I'll be in Melbourne in two months

I had lunch outside with my mum today and somehow the topic of our trip to melbourne came up... and it turns out she was all for it for me to go there as in moving out and migrating to melbourne... so when we got back... she sat my dad down and we had a talk about going.. he was resistant at first but after some shouting... he finally caved in... but i can see that he is still doing it heavy heartedly... anyway... i am so glad that it is all out of the bag... i wasn't sure how to say it... should i tell them before flying there or when we are already there... and it turns out this happen... so now... no more sneaking around... it is all out... so i can breathe a breath of relieve that i am finally closer to my destination...

I Love You Man

I just saw I love You Man... it was truly a great movie... it really touch me deep since i too don't have much friends... in fact sometimes i feel more comfortable with the guys than the girls... probably because in high school, i took this class where there is only four girls and twenty guys in that class... i just kinda got used to guys more than the girls... it just truly shows a lot of ways i can try to get more girl friends... well, hope i can do such things... i am just incapable of being girly at the moment... sometimes i feel that my shy nature growing up makes me develop my own personality without much influence by anyone else... but it doesn't let me act the way humans is suppose to act... a big problem for me... i feel like i need to be a kid again and just experience childhood the way it should have been...

trying to move

i've been ditching my workout for some time now... i'm embarressed to go see my doctor because then he will ask me how come i've gained back the weight that i lost... my progress with my portfolio is minimal at best... i have a feeling that i won't be making any submission for the cannes mofilm award at all despite how much i wish to enter and win something... how i wish i know how to increase my confidence right now... 

what to do when you're at the bottom

I feel so down... i had a job interview today and it is confirmed... my work sucks really bad... i don't know what to do... i need to pool some money so that i can move out... but then, when i do move out, what's next... i still sucks... my life is at the bottom of the bottomless pit... i feel like all my work for the last four years is all for nothing... i have achieve nothing and my life is not about to go anywhere... there is no future for me... only death... and even that is deluding me... i though by joining 95%... i would be able to get somewhere... but it only makes me feel worst... i don't know what to do... i'm stuck here and i hate my life...

What to do now I do nothing

I just graduate from the training and now I'm trying to figure out what I should do next... my instinct tells me to get a job where i'll need to interact with people like crazy a lot... so i turn to my mum... i told her i'm interested in becoming an agent selling real estate (she have her own agency) but after talking to her in more detail about what i will have to do if i do want to do this, she says that she will only allow it if i am willing to do this for one to two years... that really freaks me out... i'm only planning to do this for THREE MONTHS... i didn't feel like telling her that (of course) so i just kept quiet... i though about my dad's offer... but it feel like it might be the same thing... maybe   he'll say something like six to twelve months... but that is still more than double than what i had in mind... i've looked at some jobs at the mall... but those doesn't really require me to do much and talking to the customers are not really required... i'm at a lost now... at least i have the time to just figure out my life and tidy up some loose ends at the moment...

nearing the end...

the end of idea rawkstars are looming and i felt like i haven't achieve what i had set up to do when i first joined the training... i wish i could do better but i am just not able at the moment... i just sat in front of the computer almost straight 24 hours just to finish this video for my dad's event this saturday... he just gave me the material like yesterday... crazy, i know... i barely have time to just chill for a moment and i don't think i'll be doing that until after the saturday big dinner event... 

anyway... i just got this idea that if i can't get a job from my show this friday... i could propbably try and get some when i go to australia... i'm going for my brothers graduation in about two months and i think it'll give me a chance to go and get to where i had planned on going all this while... all i need to do is to apply what i have learnt in the past three months and use it to build my portfolio and get a good one done as soon as possible...

24 HOURS TO GO

24 HOURS... that is how long I have to get one more idea for tomorrow's submission as well as to get all my work into a presentable format... got... somuch work... so little time... i'm at my wits end right now to get just one more idea... i know the information... i just don't know what or how to do it... i'm just out of ideas right now... nothing seems to come into my mind... and tomorrow i will find that i won't be getting that dream job after all... i am so dead... die... die... die...

UPDATE

I know... i know... i haven't been updating this blog for some time... these last few weeks have been really hectic... i had the idea generation session at 95 and it was like hell.... i'm suppose to submit eight ideas for tuesday and i only have half of that... hopefully tomorrow when i went to my dad's office i can get some good insight on the products that i'm doing but at the moment i am definitely going to be walking towards the guilotine or something that sounds as bad... i'm walking the plank here people... heading to my imminent death... if only i could just get some sort of idea that would make it okay to rest for a while... i know i can do it... i just can't seem to get it done... oh my head... there is a blade stuck at the back that is causing me to be totally clueless on what i could do to move forward... i just had an eight hour straight brain dump session with some others from the class... it was totally fruitless... it only made my position worst than it was before... death does sound really good at this moment...