New Blog

I will be posting on another blog for a while...

http://jumpoffabuilding.tumblr.com/

just want to try someplace new...

Burning blaze

so I've been busy trying to get my collection done. although mostly it was busy with trying more than the doing. anyway, i've also decided to try and do something more abstract and contemporary. and so far, not that good. Just for motivation, i've decided to post my WIP (work in progress) to the blog... just as a reminder that i have to do this... anyway, this is something i've been working on... inspired by the theme 'fire' from Monday Artday... if this turns out good, i'm thinking of doing a few more along the same line... water, trees/forest, etc... this is still in it's early stages...i'm doing the outline right now... it started as something like pop art but i'm thinking of making it look like bubbles for each part... so... will post the end product later

An idea for october

so October is halloween... and i've been thinking of doing a piece about halloween... at the moment i'm leaning on doing this image i have in my head... it is of a lady with eight legs like a spider but using human legs... the word black widow comes to mind... and also maybe having the lady either cradling a guy's severed head or cradling a guy's head but he is already lifeless... hope i'm strong enough to get this done

to write or not to write

i started writing again... but then i realize that there is a big flaw to my story... now i'm just too bumm out to do anything about it... basically my problem is i have no idea what the ending should be like. the story is basically about a father who found out that his future son in law could be a possible serial killer... the problem is i don't know if he is a killer or not... if not, why is he being framed, if he is, should he live? and how does the father save the daughter... i'm leaning of him turning out to be the killer... i thought it might be more exciting that way... maybe more gore to the story... but then everytime i try to write it, i just shift out and went another way... a more PG way... bummer... so now i'm wasting my time browsing online... yesterday i did a painting but i wasn't feeling up to it so it looks terrible... i'll just fix it later... for now... i just don't know what to do about the end... i'm tempted to start doing some other story but i don't think i should abandon this one just yet...

big bang theory craze

i know... i know... this show is going into their third season... but i've always thought that the background story was a bit predictable... nnothing special there... geeky guy went after the hot girl... so i never thought it would last so long... anyway... i was watching an old episode of ellen and kaley cuoco was in it... and she mention that they were taping the third season... and it dawn on me that these days shows find it hard even to last after the first season and this one managed to go as far as three... so i though maybe i should check it out... and boy i was in for a surprise... it was better than i expected... not crazy good... but the show did manage to be better with each episode... i was practically langing till my sides ached by the end of season two... so now... i can't wait for the thirdd season...

now... what's next???

Red Bed Of Roses (2009)

Green Bed Of Roses (2009)

Blue Bed Of Roses (2009)

Acrylic, Charcoal and Chalk

well... finally finish the painting... phew... it was tough trying to keep focus and everything... but all is done and over with... now i just need something to fix the charcoal... i hope i can find something good... cos if i end up winning the contest and i ruin the painting... i'm going to kill myself... tomorrow i'll go to the store and see what they have... too bad there's not much choice where i live... but if worse comes to worst... i'll probably just use clear spray paint on it and hope for the best... anyway... now that i'm done with this thing... i'm not quite sure what to do with myself... should i go get a job... there's one at beacon... it's not much... basically just like a printing job which i clearly am too overqualified... and also not really what i want to go into... but i could probably make some money and save up so that i can move out if i can't go into painting... hmmm...

roses of my eye

i am finally going to start doing the figure today and should be finish by tomorrow... i should have strted yesterday but wasn't feeling up to it... anyway... after i'm done i can just fill in the blank spaces with more roses... i just don't want to think of how to make it look nicer with more vines... well... back to the workroom

progress report

painting the roses is taking a really long time.. mostly because i've been a bit lazy... well... a lot lazy... anyway... upon looking at the whole paintings... i've realize that some changes had to be made on the background... so now.... instead of a flat color background... it has some monet effect... hope it won't look too cheesy... anyway... i figured it should take me about two days to draw the figure which is the one i've been looking forward to most because it is the easiest... so that should give me two days to finish the petals... i'm hoping i can/able to finish by tomorrow... i've decided to do the petals all over instead of just half the painting because with the repainting of the background... it now looks strange to have the roses with just one side... maybe i would try to minimize in order to finish it faster

what i did today

i started by planning to spend the whole day to work on my painting... sometime around eleven when i had just came out from the bathroom with a fresh cup of water (for the paint) my brother called and ask if i wanted to go to ikea with him... he just got back from australia so he's not too good with driving directions... pitying him... i went along... hoping to catch a movie or something while he's doing his shopping... unfortunately... it was in the car that ifound out that he only wanted to buy some frames... so basicaaly buying frmes only takes so little time... not enough to go for a movie... that's for sure... tried hinting to him about going to see something afterwards... no luck... besides... being a guy i doubt he would be interested in 'the proposal'... (i've already watched g.i. joe so i didn't want to go again) anyway... by the time we came back it was after three... i though i would finally be able to paint some... went online and managed to get myself stuck in cyberspace ... anyway... finally did something just now... i painted the second layer and the effect is just the way i wanted it to be... but i don't think i should start on the seecond layer for the other two canvas since i want some of the paint from the second layer to influence the third layer... considering the time straint... i probably won't do a full third layer... maybe just half as in just half a bed of roses...

new goals for now

i know... i know... the plan was different... but for now... i'm trying to do something else... i'm going to finish this new paintings that i'm working on... hopefully in time for the compatition... maybe i'll win... maybe i won't .... you'll never know... i'm hoping by being different (or if people think it is different) it will merit my work... but the way i'm planning to do it is kinda tiring... so much to do... so little time... anyway... for now i'm going back and forth about the title... either bed of roses or face on paint... i started with paint on face but now i'm thining that bed of roses might be better... but normally my first instinct is better than the next which is why i'm doubtful that i should change

turn of events

today started out really well... the whole family went out for bowling and everyone was feeling good during lunch and then i found out that my dad never had the intention to let me go... well... at least he just haven't made up his mind to let me go immediately... which is another way of saying he is still not convince i should go which is not what i thought we had agreed on the last time... anyway... we had a really bad quarrel after lunch and in the car on the way back... and somehow things got out that i just can't stand him and the only reason for me wanting to move is so that i can be as far away from him as possible... i also said that he is so controlling... so much so that he kept on and on about wanting me to work for him when all i want is to get as far away as possible... and it hurts everytime he starts to talk about me working for him... and this is not new... he have been talking about it even way back when i was still in cmu... so this is old news... and i just don't know how long i can stand to be around him... i still have one and a half month to go through... i think it has reach the point where i am done compromising with him just so that both of us can be happy because the truth is... not both of us are happy, because i didn't really get what i really wanted

my sister is back

just like the title... she is back... since being back... we had so much fun going out... the day she arrived... she landed early in the morning... that afternoon we went bowling the later a movie and dinner... when we got back... it was eleven and my sister was beat... she haven't rest much from the jet lag journey... the next day we went to the club... played squash... or at least she tried to.... she can't even serve... she keep missing or her aim would hit the wall instead of going straight in front of us... afterwards... she was suppose to go shopping with my mum and sister... i was going to come later for lunch but because ija was so slow at taking a shower... i had to send her or in other words come early... then after lunch we had another game of bowling where i scored 100 points for the first time in my life... the second game wasn't so good... i only got 92... close enough... better than usual... and now... everyone is gone... i have to work on my portfolio but so far i have nothing... i am still so lazy... they are coming back tomorrow... and i'm still slacking... i have the whole house to work in and i just can't make myself do it yet...

I'll be in Melbourne in two months

I had lunch outside with my mum today and somehow the topic of our trip to melbourne came up... and it turns out she was all for it for me to go there as in moving out and migrating to melbourne... so when we got back... she sat my dad down and we had a talk about going.. he was resistant at first but after some shouting... he finally caved in... but i can see that he is still doing it heavy heartedly... anyway... i am so glad that it is all out of the bag... i wasn't sure how to say it... should i tell them before flying there or when we are already there... and it turns out this happen... so now... no more sneaking around... it is all out... so i can breathe a breath of relieve that i am finally closer to my destination...

I Love You Man

I just saw I love You Man... it was truly a great movie... it really touch me deep since i too don't have much friends... in fact sometimes i feel more comfortable with the guys than the girls... probably because in high school, i took this class where there is only four girls and twenty guys in that class... i just kinda got used to guys more than the girls... it just truly shows a lot of ways i can try to get more girl friends... well, hope i can do such things... i am just incapable of being girly at the moment... sometimes i feel that my shy nature growing up makes me develop my own personality without much influence by anyone else... but it doesn't let me act the way humans is suppose to act... a big problem for me... i feel like i need to be a kid again and just experience childhood the way it should have been...

trying to move

i've been ditching my workout for some time now... i'm embarressed to go see my doctor because then he will ask me how come i've gained back the weight that i lost... my progress with my portfolio is minimal at best... i have a feeling that i won't be making any submission for the cannes mofilm award at all despite how much i wish to enter and win something... how i wish i know how to increase my confidence right now... 

what to do when you're at the bottom

I feel so down... i had a job interview today and it is confirmed... my work sucks really bad... i don't know what to do... i need to pool some money so that i can move out... but then, when i do move out, what's next... i still sucks... my life is at the bottom of the bottomless pit... i feel like all my work for the last four years is all for nothing... i have achieve nothing and my life is not about to go anywhere... there is no future for me... only death... and even that is deluding me... i though by joining 95%... i would be able to get somewhere... but it only makes me feel worst... i don't know what to do... i'm stuck here and i hate my life...

What to do now I do nothing

I just graduate from the training and now I'm trying to figure out what I should do next... my instinct tells me to get a job where i'll need to interact with people like crazy a lot... so i turn to my mum... i told her i'm interested in becoming an agent selling real estate (she have her own agency) but after talking to her in more detail about what i will have to do if i do want to do this, she says that she will only allow it if i am willing to do this for one to two years... that really freaks me out... i'm only planning to do this for THREE MONTHS... i didn't feel like telling her that (of course) so i just kept quiet... i though about my dad's offer... but it feel like it might be the same thing... maybe   he'll say something like six to twelve months... but that is still more than double than what i had in mind... i've looked at some jobs at the mall... but those doesn't really require me to do much and talking to the customers are not really required... i'm at a lost now... at least i have the time to just figure out my life and tidy up some loose ends at the moment...

nearing the end...

the end of idea rawkstars are looming and i felt like i haven't achieve what i had set up to do when i first joined the training... i wish i could do better but i am just not able at the moment... i just sat in front of the computer almost straight 24 hours just to finish this video for my dad's event this saturday... he just gave me the material like yesterday... crazy, i know... i barely have time to just chill for a moment and i don't think i'll be doing that until after the saturday big dinner event... 

anyway... i just got this idea that if i can't get a job from my show this friday... i could propbably try and get some when i go to australia... i'm going for my brothers graduation in about two months and i think it'll give me a chance to go and get to where i had planned on going all this while... all i need to do is to apply what i have learnt in the past three months and use it to build my portfolio and get a good one done as soon as possible...

24 HOURS TO GO

24 HOURS... that is how long I have to get one more idea for tomorrow's submission as well as to get all my work into a presentable format... got... somuch work... so little time... i'm at my wits end right now to get just one more idea... i know the information... i just don't know what or how to do it... i'm just out of ideas right now... nothing seems to come into my mind... and tomorrow i will find that i won't be getting that dream job after all... i am so dead... die... die... die...

UPDATE

I know... i know... i haven't been updating this blog for some time... these last few weeks have been really hectic... i had the idea generation session at 95 and it was like hell.... i'm suppose to submit eight ideas for tuesday and i only have half of that... hopefully tomorrow when i went to my dad's office i can get some good insight on the products that i'm doing but at the moment i am definitely going to be walking towards the guilotine or something that sounds as bad... i'm walking the plank here people... heading to my imminent death... if only i could just get some sort of idea that would make it okay to rest for a while... i know i can do it... i just can't seem to get it done... oh my head... there is a blade stuck at the back that is causing me to be totally clueless on what i could do to move forward... i just had an eight hour straight brain dump session with some others from the class... it was totally fruitless... it only made my position worst than it was before... death does sound really good at this moment... 

am I BAD???

my mum was watching oprah and I was half listening and it was about Bart Whitaker, the guy who planned to murder his family. and the thing is, I can't believe how close his story was to my own... here is a man who had been living a lie because he felt that his family expect too much from him... they expect him to be this great person and he just can't do it... he is the eldest and he have a younger brother and he claimed that he felt like his brother was such a good person that he was pressured to be just as good and the thing is, that is not him at all... and that is just what i felt... because my brother and sisters are such model children, i felt i have to be just as good... my sister is obsess (or stg like that) with charity work and my brother is like an actual genius... he is practically a mensa member, he won great scholarship for college... 

anyway... his story really made me think... will i be on the road to murdering my own family?... i mean... my whole life... all i want is to get away from them... when i first went to college, i chose the one furthest away from home... it was the first time i felt like i could finally be myself... my current goal is to make enough money so that i can move to another country and not see any of them for the rest of my life... and more than once in my whole life... in fact it mush have been in the hundreds by now... i actually wished i am parentless... am i such a bad person?

Isla Fisher

Finally went to see shopaholic today... I've been wanting to see this one because I thought Isla Fisher is just so crazy funny. I've been keeping my eye on her ever since wedding crasher... maybe even before... can't quite remember... and Hugh Dancy... he is just delicious... anyway... I don't think I can stop laughing through out the whole movie... I've never been a fan of chic lit... and while my sister is like the number one fan of the shopaholics books... I just hate those books and thought the story was somewhat lame... but this movie was so good... makes me feel like I should start reading some shopaholic books... anyway... I am officially a big fan of Isla Fisher right now... ISLA!!! I HEART YOU!!!

I need ideas

I need to come up with 20 ideas by this monday... I'm cramming my head but I feel like the well has dried and even the earth and pebbles are gone... how else can one show the idea of nose blockage, suffocation, frustration, and anything to do with Vicks... I'm close to the two O... but the inspiration is really coming oh very so slowly

Something to do

I found this article from SELF... thought it should be something I should put on my desktop... so that I would always remember what I should do to loose some weight...

Activities to burn 500 calories:
• Walk 40 minutes at a level 8 on a hilly course (or crank up the incline on the treadmill).
• Do 36 minutes of running intervals: Jog for 1 minute at a level 5, sprint 1 minute at a level 9. Repeat 18 times.
• Take a 45-minute Spinning class.
• Dance to a good beat for 72 minutes at a level 7.
• Hit the elliptical machine for 60 minutes, doing intervals. Do 2 minutes at a level 8, then 1 minute at a level 5. Repeat 20 times.
• Swim freestyle for 50 minutes at a level 8.
• Use the rowing machine for 40 minutes, doing intervals: Go 8 minutes at a level 8, then 2 minutes at a level 4. Repeat 4 times.

Activities to burn 250 calories: 
• Walk for 35 minutes at a level 7. 
• Run for 20 minutes at a level 7. 
• Bike for 30 minutes at a level 5. 
• Dance for 50 minutes at a level 4. 
• Hit the elliptical machine for 30 minutes at a level 8. 
• Swim freestyle for 25 minutes at a level 8. 
• Use the rowing machine for 28 minutes at a level 8.

Activities to burn 100 calories: 
• Walk for 25 minutes at a level 4. 
• Run for 12 minutes at a level 4. 
• Bike for 17 minutes at a level 4. 
• Dance for 20 minutes at a level 4. 
• Hit the elliptical machine for 15 minutes at a level 5. 
• Swim freestyle for 15 minutes at a level 5. 
• Use the rowing machine for 25 minutes at a level 5.

cracks on the dam no more

tonight is the third time I cried in class... everything is so emotional and the thing is I hate to cry... everytime I cry, I get terrible headaches... even now I can feel it coming... the beginning effect is already here, and pretty soon I'm going to feel the whole thing... this is going to be an early night since sleep would probably be the easiest way to make it go away... 

normally I'm not so open... but by being open, everything seems to come out and I just can't stop the wall from breaking and the water from pouring out like there's a force pushing it out... maybe Shanaz, my instructor is right... I'm growing up... and I think at the same time, I kinda stop growing at one point, so now I'm catching up...

the second day I cried

Tonight was so unexpected. It felt like such an emotional night. I didn't expect it at all... firstly, Janet, my instructor totally get Jeff... she totally point it out, lay it all bare, out in the open for all to see the kind of person Jeff is... she didn't get anywhere much... but at least she tried... and when my turn comes, I think a mix of the emotions that I was feeling from listening from the others and how it mirrors my problems, and also the mood of everything, and how much I really want to let it all hang out in the open... I just start to burst out in tears... I was trying so hard to not cry... trying so hard to control it... but the dam broke and the tears just start to pour in... even though by the time the class ended I finally manage to stop crying... in the car, on my way back, I just burst out crying again... and this time, it was just worst... 

during the tell all session, one thing that came out was how much I was feeling like a loser... I just have to stop thinking that I'm not good enough and start to think that I can do it... so, I've decided to change my personal description to something more positive... right now, I've wrote that I am a no talent girl... that definitely have got to change... I just need to feel more confident about what I'm passionate in...

my opposite

So there is this guy Jeff... he and I got stuck in the same group... he is probably the opposite of me... everything he is... i am probably the opposite... anyway... the thing that i hate most about him is when he kinda take charge and act like he is the leader of the group but the thing is he doesn't quite bring much input aka ideas tot he table... and kept acting like Janet our instructor and act like he is Janet and then he would give some comment why he didn't like it... but he won't really give comments on how it can be better... so it is just really devastating whenever we have the branstorming session since he never really give much constructive comment... kinda just shot us down with anything that try to propose... and the thing is... he is just so domineering at times... that isn't just it... he is like the laudest person in class... and yet, when we have to go in front of the class and present our ideas and stuff... he is so not helpful... it's like what comes out of his mouth is utter rubbish... no substance at all... and sometime... while we were up in front... and he wants to say something... he won't just say it... he would just whisper it in my orVictor's (another member of the group, there are three of us) ears... i mean... why not just say it instead of trying to get us to say it for him... stupido!... he is just so annoyingly loud with his smart aleck kinda remark when he's behind his desk... but when in front of the class... he just won't say much... just kept whispering into our ears on what he thinks should be said... and the thing is... i can't hear much... i have bad hearing... so i actually never did catch much of what he was trying to say... anyway... i just wished he would just step up and do something worthwhile for a change... 

torchwood

I had a really tiring but fruitful day... went to the gym... played squash for almost an hour... then I went to this mall where they have a flee market every weekend... i thought I would go check it out... and I found a CD store that sells box set for series... they have such a great collection that I found the box set for Torchwood... I've been a fan of Doctor Who for years and Torchwood is a spin-off of this series... basically, it is the adult version of Doctor Who... despite not having much comedy like Doctor Who, I still find it quite entertaining... but Doctor Who will always be my fave... I just love the Doctor... I don't think I've ever seen a character on screen quite like him... so wacky and unpredictable... so... unexpected... I really hope the new doctor will be as good as the other two...

I am so very happy

I am feeling so high right now... I am so happy...I just got back from this presentation and my lecturers love love love my work... they are even impress with my graphic work even though that is just a bonus... they told me that the idea wasn't that great but they we're really happy to see that I had actually tried to explore and make it interesting... the idea of using suffocation to convey the feeling of having a blocked nose... therefore you need vicks vaporub... I feel so happy... happy... happy... happy... I still need to work on my other group assignment... but basically... i just want this feeling to last a while longer... let this night never end...

LOVE lovemarks.com

I just found this website called lovemarks... it is a site similar to digg but you basically vote whether you like it or hate a brand instead of something online... it kinda also lets you see how something can be a brand... even a person can also be a brand as their personality or choices or style is their brand... this site is based on a book of the same name by someone from Saatchi & Saatchi (this is one of the world's biggest ad agency for those who don't know it...)
anyway... it kinda lets you see how people think about a certain brand and let them express their love (or hate) for a brand... this site has some interesting comments made about some brands that I'm doing for my school work... it really helps me see what others have to say about certain things... the downside is that this site isn't very popular yet... so there isn't that many user and since this is a website... the brands listed are from all over the world and quite a lot of it are unknown to me (despite the fact that I am quite the world traveller myself)

Staedtler 2B pencil

I have to do an ad for my class... one of it is for staedtler 2B pencil... this particular one is a group thing... our message is "whoever you are, whatever you do, we have the pencil for you". The idea is to use the hello sticker and add a new line that ask which staedtler pencil do you use... I'm thinking of doing it in multiple language since the idea is that no matter who you are, we have the pencil for you.... and "who you are" shouldn't just refer to what you do or how you would use the pencil... anyway... fingers cross... hope this would work...

I Heart Huckabees

I finally watch this movie today... I've been really busy lately... what with the night class and homework... and the pressure to do really well... not to mention my freelance work... I just been so overwhelmed to not dissappoint others and especially myself... which explains why I have a bunch of movies stored away that I want to watch but haven't got around to actually watching it...

How was your day?

I've decided that I should try to do something new or interesting everyday in order to make life more filling... I am done living like a zombie and finding that i haven't done much that is worth talking about... I've been going for this night class and before we start the class, the lecturer would ask us "How was your day?" and many times I felt like nothing new or interesting have happened... making me reluctant to go up and talk about my day... it definitely makes me feel like I have no life... so now... I'm going to start everyday with a fresh cup of coffee...

New Beginning

I don't know how many times I've said that (or wrote that)... but somehow, tonight I felt that it needed to be said... I'm at a new place where I am trying hard to be better... and this worn out phrase needs to be said... so I thought I should start a new blog since my old one have been abandoned for almost a year... so much have happened since... i've lost almost twenty pounds... I now feel more confident to dress up a little... I've explore other things that I normally don't do... I've watched a football match from start to end and enjoyed it to a certain level (for the first time)... and despite the recession, I've got some freelance job to support myself... overall... I'm kinda okay...